Iran arrests Secret Squirrel and 13 of his agents

KernelKrink · 07-20-2007, 04:24 PM

http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archi...20/280529.aspx

You can tell that Iran is feeling a little beleaguered these days when there are reports that Tehran may be under attack from rodents!

That is what the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported this week, that police had, ahem, "arrested" 14 squirrels on charges of espionage.

The rodents were found near the Iranian border, allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices, according to IRNA.

When asked to confirm the story, Esmaeel Ahmadi Moghadam, the national police chief, said, "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information." He declined to give any more details.

IRNA said that the squirrels were discovered by intelligence services – but were captured by police officers several weeks ago.

'Are you serious?'
The reaction to the report on Tehran’s streets was varied – from disbelief to assigning guilt for the alleged infraction.

"No, I had not heard about this, but it does not surprise me, foreign countries are always meddling in Iran," said Hassan Mohmmadi, a fast-food vendor.

Mohammadi asked me if I knew where the squirrels were from, and I told him that I didn’t know. Then he came to his own conclusions. "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning," he replied.

sparkysko · 07-20-2007, 04:36 PM

The CIA has been doing this for 40 years.

Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project launched in the 1960s attempting to use cats in spy missions. A battery and a microphone were implanted into a cat and an antenna into its tail. Due to problems with distraction, the cat's sense of hunger had to be removed in another operation. Surgical and training expenses are thought to have amounted to over £10 million.

The first cat mission was eavesdropping on two men in a park outside the Soviet compound on Wisconsin Avenue in Washington, D.C.. The cat was released nearby, but was hit and killed by a taxi almost immediately. Shortly thereafter the project was considered a failure and declared to be a total loss.

KernelKrink · 07-20-2007, 05:27 PM

Yes, I've heard of Project: AK. That and the failed incindiary bat project during WWII should be enough experience to dissuade the the CIA/MI6 from recruiting from the Rodent family. The only thing I can make of it is it must be a PsyOp. Strap some walkie talkies to squirrels and release them, what maybe $100 per squirrel in equipment and transpo costs? Get the Iranians looking over their shoulders afraid a suicide squirrel with an explosive belt is going to jump on them from the nearest tree. Interrogating Rats and other rodents in an attempt to reveal the conspiracy, wasting valuable resources and manpower. Lotta results for $1400.

sjohnson · 07-20-2007, 05:42 PM

Trust this character? I think NOT!

motorhead · 07-20-2007, 09:23 PM

greenpeace effectivly quashed the navy's dolphin program.

partymember · 07-21-2007, 12:06 AM

Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole

6526 · 07-21-2007, 12:31 AM

the fire bat project would have worked, but was obsoleted by the manhattan project according to the history channel

KernelKrink · 07-21-2007, 10:38 AM

Yeah, the BOMB did put a final halt to a lot of "outside the box" projects. However, the program was having many problems before the plug was pulled. IIRC, the main problem the BatBoys were having was a delivery system. The planes had unpressurized bomb bays and had to fly at high altitude to get the proper range and avoid ground fire. Consequently if you didn't want a load of dead bats you had to provide them a pressurized air supply to each of the bomb-like delivery units.Then there were the jap infiltrater Kamikaze bats that got loose and set fire to their airbase in New Mexico, burned down a hanger and the General's jeep. Another problem was related to how they were handled and loaded. The bats were refrigerated to make them hibernate, this made it easier to handle them when the incindiary charges were attached, the timers activated by injecting a corrossive chemical onto a small steel wire that restrained the spring loaded firing pin, and then finally loaded into their delivery unit. With up to a million bats planned for each plane load, this process would have been tedious and time consuming. Some bats never thawed out enough to wake up when dropped. Splat. The timer was also a concern. Once activated there was no turning it off. Headwinds slow you down or a couple pop early while the bats are still aboard....

VALMET_M76 · 07-21-2007, 11:36 AM

They should just glue some transistors or other simple electronic part piece of scrap to the backs of cockroaches and turn those loose in Iran.

It'll scare the jihad out of them.

07-20-2007, 04:24 PM	#1
KernelKrink Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 2036 Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,533	Iran arrests Secret Squirrel and 13 of his agents http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archi...20/280529.aspx You can tell that Iran is feeling a little beleaguered these days when there are reports that Tehran may be under attack from rodents! That is what the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported this week, that police had, ahem, "arrested" 14 squirrels on charges of espionage. The rodents were found near the Iranian border, allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices, according to IRNA. When asked to confirm the story, Esmaeel Ahmadi Moghadam, the national police chief, said, "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information." He declined to give any more details. IRNA said that the squirrels were discovered by intelligence services – but were captured by police officers several weeks ago. 'Are you serious?' The reaction to the report on Tehran’s streets was varied – from disbelief to assigning guilt for the alleged infraction. "No, I had not heard about this, but it does not surprise me, foreign countries are always meddling in Iran," said Hassan Mohmmadi, a fast-food vendor. Mohammadi asked me if I knew where the squirrels were from, and I told him that I didn’t know. Then he came to his own conclusions. "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning," he replied.

07-20-2007, 05:42 PM	#4
sjohnson Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 6585 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 2,797	Trust this character? I think NOT! __________________

07-21-2007, 12:06 AM	#6
partymember Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 5600 Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: ass Posts: 9,180	Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole __________________ Vinland Uber Alles

07-20-2007, 04:36 PM	#2
sparkysko Member AKaholic #: 8383 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 457	The CIA has been doing this for 40 years. Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project launched in the 1960s attempting to use cats in spy missions. A battery and a microphone were implanted into a cat and an antenna into its tail. Due to problems with distraction, the cat's sense of hunger had to be removed in another operation. Surgical and training expenses are thought to have amounted to over £10 million. The first cat mission was eavesdropping on two men in a park outside the Soviet compound on Wisconsin Avenue in Washington, D.C.. The cat was released nearby, but was hit and killed by a taxi almost immediately. Shortly thereafter the project was considered a failure and declared to be a total loss.

07-20-2007, 05:27 PM	#3
KernelKrink Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 2036 Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,533	Yes, I've heard of Project: AK. That and the failed incindiary bat project during WWII should be enough experience to dissuade the the CIA/MI6 from recruiting from the Rodent family. The only thing I can make of it is it must be a PsyOp. Strap some walkie talkies to squirrels and release them, what maybe $100 per squirrel in equipment and transpo costs? Get the Iranians looking over their shoulders afraid a suicide squirrel with an explosive belt is going to jump on them from the nearest tree. Interrogating Rats and other rodents in an attempt to reveal the conspiracy, wasting valuable resources and manpower. Lotta results for $1400.

07-20-2007, 09:23 PM	#5
motorhead EVIL GENIUS AKaholic #: 6093 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: peoples republik of kalifornia Posts: 14,186	greenpeace effectivly quashed the navy's dolphin program.

07-21-2007, 12:31 AM	#7
6526 Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 3433 Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: southwest WI Posts: 4,853	the fire bat project would have worked, but was obsoleted by the manhattan project according to the history channel

07-21-2007, 10:38 AM	#8
KernelKrink Curio & Relic AKaholic #: 2036 Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,533	Yeah, the BOMB did put a final halt to a lot of "outside the box" projects. However, the program was having many problems before the plug was pulled. IIRC, the main problem the BatBoys were having was a delivery system. The planes had unpressurized bomb bays and had to fly at high altitude to get the proper range and avoid ground fire. Consequently if you didn't want a load of dead bats you had to provide them a pressurized air supply to each of the bomb-like delivery units.Then there were the jap infiltrater Kamikaze bats that got loose and set fire to their airbase in New Mexico, burned down a hanger and the General's jeep. Another problem was related to how they were handled and loaded. The bats were refrigerated to make them hibernate, this made it easier to handle them when the incindiary charges were attached, the timers activated by injecting a corrossive chemical onto a small steel wire that restrained the spring loaded firing pin, and then finally loaded into their delivery unit. With up to a million bats planned for each plane load, this process would have been tedious and time consuming. Some bats never thawed out enough to wake up when dropped. Splat. The timer was also a concern. Once activated there was no turning it off. Headwinds slow you down or a couple pop early while the bats are still aboard....

07-21-2007, 11:36 AM	#9
VALMET_M76 Temp ban-Multiple indiscretions. AKaholic #: 90 Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 3,090	They should just glue some transistors or other simple electronic part piece of scrap to the backs of cockroaches and turn those loose in Iran. It'll scare the jihad out of them.

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